Saturday, February 11, 2012

How could you not like chocolate?

Chocolate cake I made for a friend. 
This conversation always goes the same -

Me: I don't like chocolate.
Person: What? How can you not like chocolate?
Me: I just don't like chocolate.
Person: That's crazy. Even dark chocolate?
Me: I hate dark chocolate. I like milk chocolate sometimes, but not chocolate cake or ice cream.
Person: What?!?
Me: I just don't like chocolate.

The thing is, I do like milk chocolate - sometimes. And yellow cake with chocolate frosting can't be beat. Chocolate milk is good if it's not too chocolately. But I'm not one to go for a mocha, and I'll pass on the chocolate anything - thanks. After getting into this with a few friends this past week, some internet research alerted me to the fact that only 4% of Americans don't like chocolate, and 0% of women... I don't trust these statistics, actually, because last time I checked I'm a woman. But hey, it's the internets - the internets who also hypothesized it's a bacteria imbalance, or suggested you never trust a person who doesn't like chocolate. Furthermore, I found that it's a universal reaction to think of it as some unbelievable problem that shouldn't exist. Can it be true? Have you just never had a good enough cake? Or this kind of ice cream? Are you secretly concerned about calories? Or are you just crazy?

Well no, I just don't like it. And surprisingly, it's quite socially awkward. First, plenty of people (and I'm serious about this!) have told me they were unsure we can be friends. Some question if I'm even human. Then there are the awkward social situations. So many desserts have chocolate in them, and imagine that you were me and you did not want any of them. But, you're invited to a dinner, or it's someone's birthday, and there's a chocolate dessert that's been created with plenty of love and time. What do you do? You don't like the taste of it much, but it's rude to not try it and to not participate in the general consumption and merriment. And you're not being truthful when you tell the maker it's delicious - and that makes me feel so awful. Because sure, if I were like most people, I'd probably absolutely love it. I just don't. Is it better to eat it and lie about how much you like it, or to be rude and say no thanks while looking like a pompous ass?

I don't know if this makes me crazy. I lean towards savory over sweet, but I love baked goods and cake. Cake makes everything better. But chocolate? Meh. I like to think that it means there's more for everyone else who likes chocolate. Can't that be good enough?

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